Filed under: Crappy Days
Today was a bad day for me. Not only was it raining, I realised that I shouldn’t give opinions, everyone stinks (except for those select few. eh?). I wouldn’t think anyone would give a flying fuck what I did. Or what I had to say, I hate myself and I hate everyone else more. I hate how little I feel and I hate how everyone else looks bigger. I’m fugly fugly fugly and I eat shit. No body gives a shit whether I’m feeling alright. No body considers my feelings. Sometimes I miss the good ole days. The days where I can hang out with fokyu, where I can talk to the close people. Nowadays, I’m just an emotional car wreck.
Sometimes, I want to smile. I want to smile as wide as I can. I want to be just really happy about things and my life. But I can’t and I don’t know why. I can’t seem to like myself, or grasp who I am. I don’t think anyone would understand, I don’t want to care but I do. I’m not okay, and I won’t be for a while. I want to start new, I wanna go somewhere else, I want to move out of my body and into another. I want to go away. I feel so lonely at school. I don’t want people giving me things because they feel obliged to do it. I don’t feel that I really matter to anybody. I’m just that asian girl in class who’s quiet. I want to be more than that, I want to change the world. I want to do things, but to change the world, I have to change myself first, and that’s not gonna happen anytime soon.
I wish people would see me for who I truly am. Some jackass who’s lonely. A selfish, lonely bitch with no one to go to.
I live in a hole. That hole is dark. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to climb out of that hole.
